I contemplate asking things that no one can know the answers to but me
I contemplate so much
This is and must be my nature, a crazy vein that keeps me alive

Now now could I ever know or will I always wonder,
wander through it all
thinking hoping unknowingly letting decisions makes themselves

Every time capsule expires every life flower fruit seed
Maybe I'll drive mine into expiration
Or maybe I'll just keep growing
numb

And you were right about my life
it is the tornado and I am the eye

I need the end to come
bring a close to the swirling madness
please do it with love

Who will love me
in the end

Wondering if my soulmate is there
and if there is such a fucking thing

I miss...

Boston. Guava pastries from South Beach. Midnight cannolis. Chicken bacon ranch pizza. Kiss my ring. Running by the water. Being sung to sleep. Wine and cheese in the park. Bakers beach. Natty ice on the rocks of Reddington shores. Having my arm pulled off by a dog in Central Park. Spumoni. Sweet and sour in the snow. Harpoon growlers. Freezing my ass off in the snow. Old Italian ladies screaming our their windows. Having no worries or cares...

sinking

Not quite sure what goes through me, or why somethings make little sense. The little draining moments in this world may be the ones that keep me on my toes and annihilate my senses simultaneously. For every 2 steps ahead I take 3 behind, and wonder how my choices in this world have lead me here. I struggle with a mindset full of bad luck verses self infliction, and overall I know there is no room for pity. Besides, I'm not so sure I believe in luck. It is what it is, and seems to change very little. I see the people around me and how their choices have formed their lives. Some good, some bad, some indifferent. I"m tired of drifting, in and out up and down, merely hanging on by tiny threads. I have something inside me that I don't feel most people understand, and the ones that do are iniquitous. I suppose we all have something in there, something that goes through us. Maybe some choose to hold it and some let go. I keep looking ahead because I truly believe in the light at the end of the tunnel.

Fuck Monday

Reminding myself on a daily basis
that all things must expire at some point
Learning to love with the knowledge that there is
no promise of another day
another hour another minute..
Giving up all expectations and letting life live
and be, until it changes once more
the only true guarantee

Don't step on the Momeraths

Tides of uncertainty and confusion are the only things that make sense
All I want is to drive once more through lonely little cat head creek
so far away I can no longer see the trail that's been swept away
by Alice's little talking broom
I'm at peace with myself
and the walls that guide me out of this place
Im ok with the man and the one who stands outside whistling my name
At moments I can see the kaleidoscope turning into something new and
beautiful
At moments I think god is real
But how can anything so wonderful dip their finger into complete disaster
There is no such thing as perfection

Resistance

I have the strength to stand
to be unmoved

if stability is a resistance to change
too firm to form too hard to the world

remains unchanged over time
predictably ordered to march as mimes

stability is nothing more than a death cab
and I would rather be unstable

Lost, yesterday, somewhere between Sunrise and Sunset,
two golden hours,
each set with sixty diamond minutes.
No reward is offered, for they are gone forever.

Horace Mann

inconsistantlove
grows
wings
that
fly
me
into
new
lands
of
uncertanity
the
arms
of others
grow
wider
as the
narrow
gaps
close

heavy in my heart today
heavy in my heart

Hey, That's No Way To Say Goodbye by Leonard Cohen

Hey, That's No Way To Say Goodbye
by Leonard Cohen

I loved you in the morning, our kisses deep and warm,
your hair upon the pillow like a sleepy golden storm,
yes, many loved before us, I know that we are not new,
in city and in forest they smiled like me and you,
but now it's come to distances and both of us must try,
your eyes are soft with sorrow,
Hey, that's no way to say goodbye.
I'm not looking for another as I wander in my time,
walk me to the corner, our steps will always rhyme
you know my love goes with you as your love stays with me,
it's just the way it changes, like the shoreline and the sea,

but let's not talk of love or chains and things we can't
untie,
your eyes are soft with sorrow,
Hey, that's no way to say goodbye.
I loved you in the morning, our kisses deep and warm,
your hair upon the pillow like a sleepy golden storm,
yes many loved before us, I know that we are not new,
in city and in forest they smiled like me and you,
but let's not talk of love or chains and things we can't
untie,
your eyes are soft with sorrow,
Hey, that's no way to say goodbye.

Aint no back burner type a girl

When people can walk away from you let them walk.
Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.
(There's no such thing as destiny.)
(So tie me up.)

From the look in your eye
and the garlic on your breath
I think we may be soul mates

Talking to you my young friend
I hear wisdom in your doubting words

Sadness in your loving heart

If only you knew stars were nothing more
than exploding balls of gas

I promised I would be your everything
But you fuck me
left
fuck me
right
Some things never change
If only for a minute
then they drift out of sight..

hear me fucking roar

The Darkest Day is Only 24hrs

For the first time in so long I woke up and felt peace.
Real peace, a strange feeling of calmness, like the ocean was all around me.
The feeling of positivity is setting in, and I know that everything
usually does work out for the best.
It's so easy to get stuck in the same place, continue the same cycles
Making major life changes is hard.
I think even the people who reach a point in their life where they feel
an all over contentment, get stuck.
Today I'm so thankful for what I have, and I'm ready to do the work to reach my highest goals.
I no longer want the easy road, the road that leads to future disappointment.
It may be a journey, but this is the fork in the road and I'm taking the high one.
Strength is so deep inside us, and always there when we need it.
I'm reaching inside and pulling it out
Breathing deep and letting it go.

I truly believe there are two types of people in this world
Those who devote their lives to others, and those who devote their lives to themselves.
Suppose the ones who learn to balance both are way ahead of the game, and are few and far between

So maybe I've just confused maturity with life experience this whole time

simple breezes of life

given away at birth
two brothers taken by the dark
a father erased by god
two mothers lost to pain
sisters who cant feel life
love given to a broken soul
beautiful girls
angles to fill the whole
another chance lost to lies
here i am
nothing left
simple breezes given and taken by life

I love to watch porn
And think of you
Sweet love

Obsolete

Learning

The only thing I really have is me
Until there's nothing left but floating fragments in the sea

Little more of a loaner than meets the eye
To many people just crowd life

Learning

To hold my tongue
to let go of distress

Trying to find a refuge from the chaos
Unsure if there's such a place

Or such a reason
Or a thing called grace

Sometimes driving down the wet road
I wonder what it would feel like
To let all control go
Crash into you
Our tiny little bits spilled all over

broken hearts must be better than broken souls

I'm going to smile and make you think I'm happy, I'm going to laugh, so you don't see me cry, I'm going to let you go in style, and even if it kills me - I'm going to smile.
- Author Unknown

On Friday...

Here we go loop de loop
Here we go loop de lie
Here we go loop de loop
All on a Saturday night

How I so badly want to jump on that train and not look back
If only I didn't know to well from experience it solves nothing
Maybe some fresh air and new faces can bring a temporary relief
But when you get where you're going you are still just you
And the world is still just the world
Lately, this desire pulls at me in a way so strong I've never known
Tired of the same cycles, same places, same flat roads..
I need life. I need love. I need reassurance in this thing.
My faith has been shattered, and therefore I need.
I see nothing wrong with this
I give life. I give love. I give all this
willingly
Some people want them, others do not.
I want the feeling of the wind on my face
somewhere random in the middle of Texas
Maybe I just want what I cant have
Maybe I'll keep working this out
and waiting for the right time to ride

fuck kentucky

somewhere amidst the parallel worlds of good and evil
i accidentally drove to kentucky
fuck
why do i always end up in kentucky?

lostit

Sweet Jesus Amy May! I thought the world ended when i heard your call today.
A fuzzy message about a trip to Maine, thought you lost it! then I heard you
on that fuck of a phone
Something about your friend in need, beckoned you to cross the country to be at her side...
why? I didn't get that part, well then. something about trekking it for a reason
and a new start
\
all I know is it's been to long
and in time I see this same old song
la da de la da da a country does call
and no matter where you go I still get the same call
i love you sweet babe, just keep in cumin
no matter how far
no matter
i still love ya

honestly

The pain is to much
to much to bear
Your indiscretion
imprudence
is nothing more than pride and loafing
A lack of effort and care
the showcase of true emotion
idleness despair
what matters in life
nothing more than a
lifeless fuck
a lack of care
a heart lacking in love
no heart
no care

I only know 10% of what I know is truth in the lie
The rest is merely blow jobs given out to migrant workers

Daikon "large root"
eating out my heart

torn between two oh so different worlds
heart and head
to give or take
to love or leave
a crying game

No Title

Inspired to sit and see the waning bubble of constant belief
Because many of us do not believe and many of us do
i
I (I) would like to think we can believe and still enjoy freedom to
play and prey and sow our seed

Slowly
stroke your cock with my tongue
like a babe just looking for love..

Honesty goes handwith heart
A true comfort of love is knowing you can always shell the truth

A true comfort of life is letting go of that shell
of truth and lies
the rest comes naturally

lovingly

for nothing

Lost my one true love
for nothing
stupid mistakes
stupid reactions

All is lost
for nothing

I"d like to return this sir, it must be used goods

Only the Lonely

In a collection of thoughts one might see the light
the inner force that binds it all together
In these thoughts the self can gather and reflect
The choice is in being faithful to ones self
Faithfullness to others can only come second behind faithfulness to ones
self

for me

In my own world I see
everything I need to see
In my own head are many worlds I search and scour
My little lands of fancy fields cotton cushions
magic
dreams
Fantasy beneath the blankets life that lives the fullest
of anything that's meant to be more to be
to me
in my world that's what it means to me

finding my way through this fog of a world

lost

Lost
In a world where you all think
imcrazy
lost in a crowd of black splattered faces
foreign people
foreign places
Where do I go
when everyone's gone
where do i go
to cry

fuck fuck fuck
fuck
fuck fuck
and fuck fuck
fuck
fuck

independent

sitting by
i see you
for all you are
and i know you
your love
your truth
your lies
i am no god
but i see the future
i know this path
sitting by
this cold damn air
i see my gold
slipping down my throat
and feel
every piece
of
it